Step by step instructions for how to let it go and grow

I was recently asked:

How does one forgive themselves? Or someone close to them, for a most painful disappointment?

This was my response:

Step by step instructions for how to let it go and grow:

1. Take a deep breath every time you think of something you need to let go or forgive.
2. Put it in perspective.  Ask yourself, "How important will this be in a year?  How important will it be in ten years?  How important is it to people on the other side of the world?  How important is it to the universe?"  Remember then, that it is not.  The importance is only immediate and only to you.  Ultimately none of reality hinges on this one thing.  Let that be a weight off of your shoulders.
3. Remember that you are the one in control of your perspective.  You can choose to open or close your eyes, you can choose to hear words with a certain understanding of meaning, there is nothing about you which you can not change.
4. See the situation from more than your own perspective. Try thinking of how it would seem to your friends, your enemies, your teachers, your children and people you've never met.  Your view is not all of reality.  How comforting!
5. Tell yourself you've already let it go.  If you keep telling yourself you're not done with it, you'll hold on to it as firmly as you intend to throw it away.
6. Repeat steps 1-5 three times.  Reassuring yourself of these things three times will confirm the truth for your world.
7. Eat or drink something that is healthy and do so slowly with appreciation.  Take that time to slow down and re-focus your mind.  Don't miss that kind of little thing.  It's a miracle and miracles are all around you.  
8. Say a prayer of thanks.  Just be thankful for all of the tiniest things in your life and just tell them to the universe/god/a friend/your dog.  Talk about things from the present.  No need for even thinking about the immediate past, but if there are some good things, go ahead and throw them in too.
9. One more deep breath. 
10. Continue your life as a freer being.  Remember this anytime there's something difficult going on.  It might not be your difficult thing, but someone else might go through something too.  Help them through it with these steps and you'll both feel a lot better.

Hope that helped.
    ~至道

5 Most Important Things for Teachers to Do.

I was recently asked:

What are the 5 most important things for teachers to do?


This was my response:

1. Have compassion for the students.  We seem to forget, sometimes, that we were once in their place.  The understandings have gotten easier for us, but they are still new and difficult for those who have not explored the subject matter for so long.
2. Practice looking at the subject matter from other perspectives.  This means not just teaching material in one manner.  Many students learn in different ways.  This is not the student's responsibility, but the teachers.  Be aware that not everyone will understand immediately or with the same methods, vary your teaching style.
3. Focus on the understanding, not the knowledge.  We think of knowledge and understanding as being the same thing but they are extremely different.  For example, the knowledge of when the United States of America was founded is known by most Americans as 1776.  However, this does not mean that all Americans understand how this is important.  The actual year is ultimately irrelevant. The important thing is understanding that America is still a young nation and has a lot of work to do in various aspects before it becomes as wise as some other countries that have had millennia of mistakes from which to learn.  1776, 1773, 1779...the number is unnecessary (knowledge) but the idea of the youth (understanding) is important. 
4. Teach creativity.  Without teaching the creativity, there is actually no real learning going on.  I might be able to play 100 classical pieces on the piano flawlessly.  However, I am simply reviewing the motions until they are polished.  However, someone who can play jazz and is able to freely manipulate the keys with beauty, even with less technical skill, is far better at piano than I am.  They have freedom with their understanding and they are able to actually create.  This can be applied to any subject.
5. Have patience.  It may take years to teach one simple skill, but if they are able to do that one skill in the long run, it truly was all worth it.  I had a student years ago who could not throw a punch at all when he began.  We spent hours and hours on it.  Every time it was practiced to perfection but his mind refused to associate the clean motion with the word "punch."  Eventually, after about a month of practice, he finally threw 2 correct punches in a row.  Now, after a few years, he can learn a full meditative form of 50 moves in an afternoon.  Yes, it took a long time, but as long as he was willing to put forth even the slightest effort, I had to be there to support him entirely.  

 I hope this translates into love peace and more understanding for the teachers who read this and the students who will one day be teachers.

Osu!

Daily Saying for July 11th, 2011

Most are not disturbed by little changes.  Yet, the size of change can only be measured by perspective. So change your perspective a little.
     ~至道

What is violence?

I was recently asked:

What is violence?

This was my response:

What a good question to ask someone who does martial arts!  When I was in high school, I tried writing a paper on this and found it of little success because at that time, I was under the mistaken impression that it could be written from one single perspective.  Violence as a topic is something beyond a single perspective.  In fact, it is when something has only one perspective that makes it violence at all.

We describe violence as being something in war, conflict and the media.  However, violence is different for each being.  To the average American, it involves one person hitting another.  To a war general, it's casualties on his own side.  To a director, it's something that conflicts with his vision.  To a martial artist, it is inappropriate intent.  To an ant, it's rain.  To a flower, it's drought, To God or the universe, it's irrelevant. 

The best answer to this that this one can give is that violence is a mix of fear and disgust.  These two things are only determined by the one feeling them.  To another it might not be actually violent at all.  There are no limits as to what one can determine as violent and non-violent but their own experiences.

For example, one time a good friend came to visit me during my training.  I invited him to watch a sparring match.  I was hit with a solid kick to the jaw and my gums bled.  The match continued and I was fine with the tiny amount of pain and taste of iron.  After the match, the friend asked me, "Are you okay?  That was pretty violent!"  I shook my head in mild confusion.  "What was violent?" I asked.  "The whole thing!  You got kicked in the face and you bled!"  I had gone from confusion to laughter, which I realize now scared him more.  "It wasn't violent and the kick wasn't hard enough for me to have any problems.  The violence you see is your lack of understanding how hard I need to be hit for it to hurt me as well as the fear of yourself getting injured."  I went on to explain that in time, if he trained, that he would not only do that kind of thing, but he would then see that the actions there were utterly peaceful.  The person I was sparring was only trying to teach me where I was vulnerable and at the same time learn what they were capable of doing.  At the same time I was trying to teach them their vulnerabilities and learning what I could do in such a situation.  The exchange was positive, beautiful and we both were doing our best to help each other.  One who doesn't have that kind of experience and understanding will only see fighting as violent.  To us, it was the most calm and clear moment of our lives.  No thoughts of other things, no worries, no fear, no desire, just emptiness and serenity.

This violence that we think we know as violence is all just manifestations of the way things are in our world.  The experiences have need to be experienced and we must learn to let go of our fears and disgusts.  After all, our presence is nothing but violence in the face of nothing. 

Osu,
   ~至道

I was recently asked:

When someone says the word "Beauty," what do you think of?


This was my answer:

The first 10 things to come to mind:
1) The feeling at the point where a bell quiets beyond the capacity to hear.

2) A flower as it speeds through its life cycle in less than a second.

3) Light at the end of a deep breath.

4) The first moment of pain.

5) The warp in time one can see if they intensely stare at the space between a white line and a black line for about 2 hours.

6) 84,000 moons, each in a drop of water having traveled so far and without disturbing the moon, the sky or the water.

7) The look of sudden understanding in someone's eyes.

8) Wrinkles on old people, old books and old trees.

9) That which can not be experienced with senses but is simply understood.

10) Pure selfless-sacrifice.  This is also called 'love.'

The other day I was asked:

Recently I was told a story by my Japanese girlfriend about when she was learning English as a kid. She once asked a teacher "Why is 'a' shaped like that?" When they couldn't answer she got fed up and to a certain extent lost interest.  When she brought that up I didn't know either. I looked it up later and in doing so I got more fragments but nothing that entirely satisfied my sparked curiousity. I started wondering about things like different fonts, or hand writing styles. The various interpretations of the alphabet in a still recognizable form.

Which, in a way, is like martial arts.  There are many different styles and practitioners, but what is it that really distinguishes one style from another, in there being so many different interpretations of the same idea? Also is there really a clear line between separate styles?


This was my response:



When it comes to most things we believe that we have a definitive understanding of what makes anything apply to a specific word or symbol and the word or symbol apply to a specific thing.  This is quite misleading.  We say that A is A because it is.  That's terribly arbitrary!  It is giving us the pen of God to write our dictionary because only we will use it. 


It is actually quite the opposite which gives us our definitions.  In Zen, there is a postulate that says:

A≠A∴A which translates as "A is not A therefore A." 

This seems terribly counter intuitive but it should.  Logic prevailing, then A which is not can not be at all.  This seems as much of a paradox as "This sentence is false."  However there is a way, beyond the logic that we can understand this but you've got to do exactly as said.

Here goes:

Look at your hand.

I say, "Your hand is like a bird."

You wait for my explanation or see the bird in your hand.  

I say, "Your hand is like my hand," and you notice the 4 fingers, the thumb and the palm.

I say, "Your hand is like your hand," and you realize that this makes no sense.  

It can't be like your hand because it is indeed your hand!  It would be a stupid sentence and have the feeling of incorrectness.  

Think for a moment.  What is your hand actually like?

Anything...almost.

Is it like a fish, a tiger and the universe more than your own hand?   No.

Then how is this wrong?

Well, let's simplify.  

Your hand is like anything that is not your hand and as such it is your hand.

That can be simplified to "Your hand is like not-your-hand and as such it is not your hand"

We use a simile but we could simply switch it to a metaphor by removing the "like"

Your hand is not-your-hand, therefore it is your hand.

A is not A, therefore A.

Hope that explains how we must step out of our basic definitions and understand our reality beyond the numbers and measures we usually attribute to all of what we call "reliable information."

In an effort to reply to the martial arts aspect of the question, I would like to draw attention to two specific situations.  First, a comparison between Aikido and Muay Thai.  These styles are so far from each other in most ways that the dividing line is easily seen.  Aikido usually involves grabbing an opponent and very few strikes at all.  It is about moving with the opponent at the appropriate time to throw them.  Muay Thai involves a large amount of striking and with wrapped hands, the grabbing is next to nothing so long as it is understood that a clinch is a body position and not a grab.  Thus Muay Thai and Aikido are opposites in many ways and as such they define each other pretty clearly.

Second, a comparison between Karate and Crane Kung Fu.  This is where things get hazy.  For evidence:

This is a showing of how the concept of the "three-battles" traveled from China to Okinawa and it changed over years of evolution into another but similar practice.  There is no real line between the two styles.  However we can look at them and say, "That's Crane and that's Karate." This is our own perspectives.  Simply understand that as a true and clean witness of your reality, you must be more willing to bend the definitions and as such it will change your perspective on what is truly important in the style you study. 

To sum it all up: 

Once you know something is, the why or why-not is a matter of perspective and an understanding beyond the self. 

Daily Saying for June 24th, 2011

Do not misplace the intensity of this moment!  The clothes you wear, the flavors in your mouth, the texture and colours of this writing, the smell of the room and the sounds of the outside world all can be experienced at once!  There is nothing new inside yourself!  Throw it out!  Let the intensity overwhelm you!  Then and only then are you living.  How intense this moment is!
       ~至道

Daily Saying for June 18th, 2011

Let all colours be your favourite.  Then the world will have more life, rainbows will have more meaning and every choice will be beautiful.
           ~至道

Altarnator

I was recently asked:

The other day, I was at a ceremony.  In this tradition, the leader of the group connects with spirits of the earth and gives out advice and words to people he's barely met.  His first set of words were for me.  The spirits gave me the name "Altarnator."  Not a very earthy or native name.  I was surprised!  But then he went on to say it was because I pray at many alters.  Funny yes, but confusing and I don't know what to think of it.  What would you say?

This was my response:

The first reaction is to laugh and say, "Of course!"  Here we see the spirits calling you out on something.  They don't exactly care whether you pray at many altars or if you pray at one or barely pray at all.  They are simply pointing out something you should notice.
One who partakes in many traditions is blessed and capable of so much.  However there comes a danger with this.  If you spend too much time spreading too thinly all of the prayers, you separate the very things you're trying to connect.  It would be like having a different dictionary for words starting with 'A' and one for 'B' words and so on and so on.  Sure each one works and you can get things done with them.  But they are all so separate when they don't need to be.  This isn't saying you should mix the traditions together.  Sometimes that brings more problems than solutions.  It is saying that YOU should be the same in each ceremony.  There shouldn't be a different you in each place.  That creates no spiritual growth because each experience is compartmentalized and they keep you from fully grasping what is happening to you.  A piece of music only works when you hear all parts at once.  That is when there is the most beauty.  Then you hear the true music.  Don't listen to each instrument separately.  Appreciate the harmony of each ceremony by being there as the same you.  Then, by doing that, you can remove that you that is the problematic 'Altarnator' and simply be part of the spiritual experience.  A prayer itself.

Love and Peace,

Osu,
   ~至道

Daily Saying for June 14th, 2011

No matter how vile you may find another person, they are still human and part of your world.  Do not be disgusted with them or their dirty ways.  After all, they are far cleaner than the heart of someone hateful.
     ~至道

Daily Saying for June 11th, 2011

A glass of water is refreshing.  A new perspective is more refreshing than a glass of water.  A new perspective on a glass of water is The Way.
   ~至道

Weekly Homework for the Students of the Way for June 10th, 2011

Make a "Clean Tao"

1.Buy one of these  (Note the different formats and pick whatever is cheapest.)

  

2.Scrape off the cover completely so it is only a white and slightly rough but still strong surface.
3.Rip out the foreword and end notes so you're only left with the section from the page that says, "Tao Te Ching" and to the page called "81"
4.Read it with a friend or enemy or someone you never met before and discuss it.
5.Post what happened here.

For best results, repeat this more than once.

Good luck!

Question of the Future

I was recently asked:

Osu

Lately there's been a forceful push (by my parents, particularly my dad) to figure out what I'm going to do in college. My dad said he, "isn't paying for me to be in college for seven years"  hahaha...so I'm reading economics books, religion books, considering a major of math combined with something else, maybe even business, all in an attempt to figure out what I'll major in, but I'm fearful of deciding on a major because I think that it will pave a road for me that isn't one I'll love.  Can you offer advice on how to go about picking a major with freedom of future in mind, or perhaps some advice that I wouldn't think to ask for? 

This was my response:

Let's begin by saying you're not alone.  This question comes up to so many people of so many ages.  "What career/school/major/path is right for me?" comes up in most people's lives every single day.  The answer lies only within each person.  However, there are things one can think about and a story that might help.

First, go to a bookstore or library.  This is the best advice related to figuring out what you really want to do.  This might take a day or so but go to EVERY section of the store.  Pick up at least 1 book from every section that is even mildly interesting to you.  This stack, for most people, should have at least 20 different books in it.  Then start reading one.  If you don't want to put it down in the first 5 minutes, set it aside.  If you do, that subject is not for you at all.   Then you should have a stack that is at least a few books smaller.  At this point, select the one that catches your attention the most and pick it up.  Start skimming through this time.  Look at chapter headings or the first paragraph of each section in the book.  If you want to keep reading for more than 75% of every section, then set that book aside.  If you don't, it goes in the reject pile.  Then you should probably have less than 10 books left.  At that point, pick one and start reading, but also take notes.  What about it do you like?  What are the strong points of the subject?  What are the weak points?  What part makes it interesting?  Then when you've taken notes for about 30 minutes to an hour, go to the next book.  Keep doing this until you've finished them all.  At that point, you look at the notes.  Which sections do you want to expand?  Which do you feel are the most important in your life?  Which are most needed for something that will leave you feeling satisfied in what you are doing?  We must remember that anyone who asks this question is looking for job satisfaction.  If a subject doesn't satisfy, pick another one.  If no subjects seem to satisfy, quit all of what you're doing and go to some place in the world that is in trouble and help with your hands.  There you'll learn what satisfies all beings in the universe.  Love and compassion.

Second, some of us are lucky enough to know exactly what they want to do.  I know that teaching is my way.  There's no other profession that I feel would be right for me at this time.  Perhaps in the future that will change, but right now, I only want a job in education that will eventually lead to the building of the dojo.  I'm really truly blessed with this.  Others however, don't have a clue as to what they want to do.  I heard such a story once.  

A long time ago there was a man who was traveling through India looking for a guru of some kind.  He traveled north and south, east and west and no matter where he went he found only people who would teach him things that he seemed to already know.  Some suggested a study of postures to help him achieve a greater world view, but he had already mastered a great deal of flexibility in his body.  Some suggested seated meditation to help him explore the mysteries of the universe.  He sat and sat and even with perfect posture, nothing came.  Others still thought a venture into the things absurd such as walking on coals or various forms of traditionally taboo ritual would be a way for him to venture into his soul.  But his answer was always one of disgust.  He seemed to know all about many different things but he could not find the right one for him.  He one day came to a field that was just before a valley.  There children stood playing with each other in the flowers.  He watched them for a moment and then suddenly one of them stopped and looked out over the cliff.  He asked the child, "What do you see?"  The child answered, "You can't see it?  It's a butterfly!"  The man looked up and saw no butterflies, only clouds.  He then said, "But there are no butterflies here."  The child looked up at him like he had heard words from a dog.  "Don't be stupid!  Look!  Not here, over there!"  Then the man looked up and saw that the clouds were indeed shaped like a butterfly.  At that moment, he went to the cliff and climbed down into the valley.  He was surrounded by stone and had no tools, but he slowly worked as hard as he could and eventually built a small stone house.  There he lived the rest of his life in peace.  He looked at butterflies every day though no wings ever touched the wind.  

Perspective, my friend, is everything.